Friday, October 31, 2003
After freaking out about my lack of Halloween plans yesterday, I pulled a typical Joe move and planned the entire evening minute by minute. I made numerous phone calls and did much researching on the web to find out where we would all want to go and what we would all want to do.
Here is what I came up with:
6-8pm: Kelly and I get dressed up in our costumes while singing show tunes and drinking our “pre-party” drinks.
8-9pm: Kelly and I go to Paul’s apartment to pick him and Jen and Lisa up. We will surely pause to have another drink there.
9-10pm: The five of us go to a house party on the lower East Side in order to meet up with my friend Mariah and her entourage.
10-10:30pm: Snore ourselves to sleep at a party filled with all straight people.
10:30pm: Decide we have had ENOUGH and jump in a cab to the West Village. There we will meet up with my friend Ian from work and a bunch of his other friends.
10:30pm-12am: Hit every hot spot in the West Village looking for cheap drinks and hot boys. Goal: get as liqoured up as possible.
12am-?: Go to the Meow Mix (a hot, yet sometimes scary lesbian bar) for dancing and yet more drinks. Once one of us has taken a fall or thrown up all over the wall, we will pile into cabs and move out. Kelly, Angie and I will go home (possibly with Paul, assuming he isn’t the person falling down and throwing up – eh…one can always hope) to eat food, smoke some bowls, and watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
4am: Can I go to bed now?
That’s it!
Now, let’s see how much of this we actually get done. I always come up with these very strict time lines and we never seem to follow it. But tonight I am determined to do everything I have planned for us. It’s not fun being the guy who has to keep everyone to plan, but someone has to do it. And that someone might as well be me. Especially since I tend to be the most anal-retentive person in our group. But hey, as I said…someone’s gotta do it.
I thought long and hard about what to do for a costume. I usually cop out on dressing up cuz I feel so embarrassed and utterly uncreative. But this year, I decided not to go for a FUNNY costume or a CLEVER costume. It never works out well. So tonight…I will be…dun dun DUN!…an accountant.
Hahahahahaha and also zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
But it’s a functioning costume and it will work out. I am going to part my hair on the side, and slick it over. Then I am going to wear a really cheesy tie with a shirt that doesn’t match, throw on a pair of slacks and a suit coat, and fill my shirt pocket with pens and a calculator! ROCK?
ROCK!
I am sure I will end up looking like a “dork” or a “dweeb” or “snorey McSnoresalot”, but in any case, I won’t look like me. And that’s the whole point!
ALRIGHT! I am outtie 5000!
HAPPY HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!
Here is what I came up with:
6-8pm: Kelly and I get dressed up in our costumes while singing show tunes and drinking our “pre-party” drinks.
8-9pm: Kelly and I go to Paul’s apartment to pick him and Jen and Lisa up. We will surely pause to have another drink there.
9-10pm: The five of us go to a house party on the lower East Side in order to meet up with my friend Mariah and her entourage.
10-10:30pm: Snore ourselves to sleep at a party filled with all straight people.
10:30pm: Decide we have had ENOUGH and jump in a cab to the West Village. There we will meet up with my friend Ian from work and a bunch of his other friends.
10:30pm-12am: Hit every hot spot in the West Village looking for cheap drinks and hot boys. Goal: get as liqoured up as possible.
12am-?: Go to the Meow Mix (a hot, yet sometimes scary lesbian bar) for dancing and yet more drinks. Once one of us has taken a fall or thrown up all over the wall, we will pile into cabs and move out. Kelly, Angie and I will go home (possibly with Paul, assuming he isn’t the person falling down and throwing up – eh…one can always hope) to eat food, smoke some bowls, and watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
4am: Can I go to bed now?
That’s it!
Now, let’s see how much of this we actually get done. I always come up with these very strict time lines and we never seem to follow it. But tonight I am determined to do everything I have planned for us. It’s not fun being the guy who has to keep everyone to plan, but someone has to do it. And that someone might as well be me. Especially since I tend to be the most anal-retentive person in our group. But hey, as I said…someone’s gotta do it.
I thought long and hard about what to do for a costume. I usually cop out on dressing up cuz I feel so embarrassed and utterly uncreative. But this year, I decided not to go for a FUNNY costume or a CLEVER costume. It never works out well. So tonight…I will be…dun dun DUN!…an accountant.
Hahahahahaha and also zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
But it’s a functioning costume and it will work out. I am going to part my hair on the side, and slick it over. Then I am going to wear a really cheesy tie with a shirt that doesn’t match, throw on a pair of slacks and a suit coat, and fill my shirt pocket with pens and a calculator! ROCK?
ROCK!
I am sure I will end up looking like a “dork” or a “dweeb” or “snorey McSnoresalot”, but in any case, I won’t look like me. And that’s the whole point!
ALRIGHT! I am outtie 5000!
HAPPY HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!
Thursday, October 30, 2003
Do you have any idea how GOOD it feels to be on vacation for a week, only to come back to a work week that started on a Wednesday?!?! I woke up this morning and thought “Yay! The weekend is coming already!” It’s just about the breast feeling in the world.
I went to bed as soon as I got home last night. I literally passed out the second I put my bag down on my floor. I slept for an hour and a half without interruption. Then I woke up, made a sandwich, and turned on Sex and the City for an hour. Although I had seen both of the episodes a couple of times, I found myself sobbing to the point of embarrassment. One of the episodes dealt with the death of Miranda’s mother and my tears just flowed and flowed. I’ve said it before and I will say it again…it is truly one of the best acted and well written shows ever to air on television. It doesn’t matter what walk of life you are on, the characters on Sex and the City enable you to identify with everything they go through. It’s a rare find in a TV program. God bless you HBO. And God bless you chewy Sprees. I chomped on them for a good hour last night and loved every second.
Tomorrow is Halloween. Usually this is my favorite holiday of the year, as there are really no expectations. No one to buy gifts for and no one to visit. Just a good wholesome feeling and tons of vodka tonics. How could one NOT enjoy the day?
Well this year, we have been really struggling to put together some REAL Halloween plans. In the past, the holiday fell on a weekday, so it was totally acceptable to go out for happy hour, grab some McDonald’s burgers and go home for a viewing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show (a tradition that Kelly and I have been taking part in 3 years in a row). But this year, the day falls on a Friday, so we wanted to make a bigger deal out of it. Initially we were going to shroom. For those of you who don’t understand the drug world, this means, “eat magic mushrooms”. It’s been years since we did that and it looks as though it will be years before we do it again. As the day got closer, no one really wanted to spend the evening acting like maniacs.
Paul has decided to have a Halloween blow out in his apartment. It could be fun, but it could also be the most irritating function on the planet. I had the luxury of going out with some of Paul’s friends from work a couple weeks ago and although everyone jumped all over me when I walked into the bar, they then proceeded to give me advice about my life and tell me what to do in order to be an actor. “Listen people, I just went out for a casual drink…not for help with my fledgling acting career”. Sheesh. So either the party will happen and everyone will be extra spooky, or the party will happen and everyone will be extra douchey. It’s really a toss up.
Afterwards, we will go out for some drinks in Gay Chelsea. I am dying to see the different costumes. I mean, it’s like a night worth of jokes that I don’t even have to TRY to make. I have already decided that if I see more than one gay boy dressed up as an angel, I am going to rip those fairy wings off and……run away as fast as I can. Shit man…I want a pair of fairy wings too.
The role I play in my group of friends is “Party Organizer”. Usually it’s easy. Pick a bar, call everyone up and tell them to be at my apartment at a certain time. But since it’s Halloween everyone has something they want to do and no one has any ideas that everyone will agree to do. I will probably end up staying at home and dressing up my hamsters in super cute outfits. I mean, it’s not the WORST Friday night a guy could have.
Since returning from California, Paul and I have been getting along famously. We have spent quite a bit of time together and I have never laughed so much in my life. He has been increasingly more affectionate and kind. I decided to reward him with a little bit of sex. It all worked out nicely. I spoke at great lengths with my uncles about Paul and my relationship. As I mentioned they gave me excellent advice. They asked me if I had ever considered “couples counseling”. I almost burst out laughing when they said that (and so did my friends when I mentioned it to them), but on further analysis, I believe it to be the best idea I have heard of so far. I mean, it makes perfect sense.
Most people my age would never consider something like “couples counseling”. But I also feel like most people my age aren’t as committed to working through their problems within a relationship as Paul and I are. It may be a little hokey to pursue this avenue, but I also think that if we are really serious about figuring some of our shit out, counseling may truly be the way to go. Since returning we have been getting along great, so I haven’t even mentioned the idea to him yet. Who knows. If it gets to the point again where I have to bring it up as an option and he shoots it down, then I will. And at that point, I don’t want him to think that he isn’t making some major improvements.
Home Improvements? ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUH! (that was my best Tim Allen/Home Improvement impression)
Enoughs enough. Eight is Enough.
No more cheesy Television sitcom jokes.
I have to go figure out Halloween now.
I’m starting to have a nervous break down.
I went to bed as soon as I got home last night. I literally passed out the second I put my bag down on my floor. I slept for an hour and a half without interruption. Then I woke up, made a sandwich, and turned on Sex and the City for an hour. Although I had seen both of the episodes a couple of times, I found myself sobbing to the point of embarrassment. One of the episodes dealt with the death of Miranda’s mother and my tears just flowed and flowed. I’ve said it before and I will say it again…it is truly one of the best acted and well written shows ever to air on television. It doesn’t matter what walk of life you are on, the characters on Sex and the City enable you to identify with everything they go through. It’s a rare find in a TV program. God bless you HBO. And God bless you chewy Sprees. I chomped on them for a good hour last night and loved every second.
Tomorrow is Halloween. Usually this is my favorite holiday of the year, as there are really no expectations. No one to buy gifts for and no one to visit. Just a good wholesome feeling and tons of vodka tonics. How could one NOT enjoy the day?
Well this year, we have been really struggling to put together some REAL Halloween plans. In the past, the holiday fell on a weekday, so it was totally acceptable to go out for happy hour, grab some McDonald’s burgers and go home for a viewing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show (a tradition that Kelly and I have been taking part in 3 years in a row). But this year, the day falls on a Friday, so we wanted to make a bigger deal out of it. Initially we were going to shroom. For those of you who don’t understand the drug world, this means, “eat magic mushrooms”. It’s been years since we did that and it looks as though it will be years before we do it again. As the day got closer, no one really wanted to spend the evening acting like maniacs.
Paul has decided to have a Halloween blow out in his apartment. It could be fun, but it could also be the most irritating function on the planet. I had the luxury of going out with some of Paul’s friends from work a couple weeks ago and although everyone jumped all over me when I walked into the bar, they then proceeded to give me advice about my life and tell me what to do in order to be an actor. “Listen people, I just went out for a casual drink…not for help with my fledgling acting career”. Sheesh. So either the party will happen and everyone will be extra spooky, or the party will happen and everyone will be extra douchey. It’s really a toss up.
Afterwards, we will go out for some drinks in Gay Chelsea. I am dying to see the different costumes. I mean, it’s like a night worth of jokes that I don’t even have to TRY to make. I have already decided that if I see more than one gay boy dressed up as an angel, I am going to rip those fairy wings off and……run away as fast as I can. Shit man…I want a pair of fairy wings too.
The role I play in my group of friends is “Party Organizer”. Usually it’s easy. Pick a bar, call everyone up and tell them to be at my apartment at a certain time. But since it’s Halloween everyone has something they want to do and no one has any ideas that everyone will agree to do. I will probably end up staying at home and dressing up my hamsters in super cute outfits. I mean, it’s not the WORST Friday night a guy could have.
Since returning from California, Paul and I have been getting along famously. We have spent quite a bit of time together and I have never laughed so much in my life. He has been increasingly more affectionate and kind. I decided to reward him with a little bit of sex. It all worked out nicely. I spoke at great lengths with my uncles about Paul and my relationship. As I mentioned they gave me excellent advice. They asked me if I had ever considered “couples counseling”. I almost burst out laughing when they said that (and so did my friends when I mentioned it to them), but on further analysis, I believe it to be the best idea I have heard of so far. I mean, it makes perfect sense.
Most people my age would never consider something like “couples counseling”. But I also feel like most people my age aren’t as committed to working through their problems within a relationship as Paul and I are. It may be a little hokey to pursue this avenue, but I also think that if we are really serious about figuring some of our shit out, counseling may truly be the way to go. Since returning we have been getting along great, so I haven’t even mentioned the idea to him yet. Who knows. If it gets to the point again where I have to bring it up as an option and he shoots it down, then I will. And at that point, I don’t want him to think that he isn’t making some major improvements.
Home Improvements? ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUH! (that was my best Tim Allen/Home Improvement impression)
Enoughs enough. Eight is Enough.
No more cheesy Television sitcom jokes.
I have to go figure out Halloween now.
I’m starting to have a nervous break down.
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
What’s UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP?
Back from my trip to the beautiful state of Cali! Dammit what a good trip it was. One of the best I have ever had. My Uncles treated me so well and took complete care of me. I mean, from the wonderful food to the 150 drinks I had, everything was top notch and laden with class. I felt like I had stepped out of my economical strife and into a world filled with beauty.
Their house is unbelievable and comes with a fully functioning hot tub! They have an incredible dog named “Sundance”. They have a wine cellar and a fully refurbished kitchen that puts the ones one MTV’s “Cribs” to shame. They own Playstation 2 and the biggest television I have ever sat in front of. Really, being at their home was one of the most incredibly fun experiences I have ever had.
They took me all over the city. We saw Lombard street and the Golden Gate Bridge and City Hall and the Opera House. We frequented the Castro district and quite a number of the other famous sites. They took me to see Beach Blanket Babylon and out to the most luxurious dinner I have ever eaten. We went to a gay bar and played cards for hours. And most importantly, we talked our faces off and really got to know each other.
Saying goodbye to them was very difficult. It was a whirlwind trip and I fell into the trap of loving SF too much. Of every place I have ever been blessed to visit, San Francisco is, by far, the most beautiful. I could definitely see myself settling down there. The whole city smells like flowers and the people are so relaxed. At no point did I feel intimidated or uncomfortable. I love it there and am desperate to go back again next year.
My uncles treated me like a princess. They did my laundry for me, made me fantastic dinners, and offered everything they own to me as though I live in their house with them. They even had a gift bag with tons of fun stuff in it waiting on the bed for me when I arrived. They are so sweet and funny and smart. I spent a great deal of time discussing my relationship with Paul and they gave me better advice than I have gotten from most of the outlets that I have pursued. I left California feeling refreshed and ready to tackle my life in NYC. Yet, nothing could prepare me for the strong smell of piss that I encountered after exiting the airport. (Some things never change)
So now I am back.
I had dinner last night with the cast of Stupid Kids. Everyone, except for Ian, showed up. Meaning, see ya later Ian. Nice knowing you. I’m actually not upset about it at all. I tried to be his friend and he just doesn’t seem to care. It happens. I have other friends. Like 3.
Please.
I have at least 7.
Anyhow, I spoke with Kelly at great lengths about the next project that the Theater Company is planning. I am very excited to continue with them over the next couple of months. Details will surely follow.
Now, I have to plan for Halloween, look into auditioning for something in the city, and clean out the hamster’s cage. But other than that, I feel pretty good about being home and in my own bed. I will surely miss the life of San Francisco, but I will just keep the idea of visiting there again next year very fresh in my mind.
Time to go take a huge dump.
You understand.
Peace!
Back from my trip to the beautiful state of Cali! Dammit what a good trip it was. One of the best I have ever had. My Uncles treated me so well and took complete care of me. I mean, from the wonderful food to the 150 drinks I had, everything was top notch and laden with class. I felt like I had stepped out of my economical strife and into a world filled with beauty.
Their house is unbelievable and comes with a fully functioning hot tub! They have an incredible dog named “Sundance”. They have a wine cellar and a fully refurbished kitchen that puts the ones one MTV’s “Cribs” to shame. They own Playstation 2 and the biggest television I have ever sat in front of. Really, being at their home was one of the most incredibly fun experiences I have ever had.
They took me all over the city. We saw Lombard street and the Golden Gate Bridge and City Hall and the Opera House. We frequented the Castro district and quite a number of the other famous sites. They took me to see Beach Blanket Babylon and out to the most luxurious dinner I have ever eaten. We went to a gay bar and played cards for hours. And most importantly, we talked our faces off and really got to know each other.
Saying goodbye to them was very difficult. It was a whirlwind trip and I fell into the trap of loving SF too much. Of every place I have ever been blessed to visit, San Francisco is, by far, the most beautiful. I could definitely see myself settling down there. The whole city smells like flowers and the people are so relaxed. At no point did I feel intimidated or uncomfortable. I love it there and am desperate to go back again next year.
My uncles treated me like a princess. They did my laundry for me, made me fantastic dinners, and offered everything they own to me as though I live in their house with them. They even had a gift bag with tons of fun stuff in it waiting on the bed for me when I arrived. They are so sweet and funny and smart. I spent a great deal of time discussing my relationship with Paul and they gave me better advice than I have gotten from most of the outlets that I have pursued. I left California feeling refreshed and ready to tackle my life in NYC. Yet, nothing could prepare me for the strong smell of piss that I encountered after exiting the airport. (Some things never change)
So now I am back.
I had dinner last night with the cast of Stupid Kids. Everyone, except for Ian, showed up. Meaning, see ya later Ian. Nice knowing you. I’m actually not upset about it at all. I tried to be his friend and he just doesn’t seem to care. It happens. I have other friends. Like 3.
Please.
I have at least 7.
Anyhow, I spoke with Kelly at great lengths about the next project that the Theater Company is planning. I am very excited to continue with them over the next couple of months. Details will surely follow.
Now, I have to plan for Halloween, look into auditioning for something in the city, and clean out the hamster’s cage. But other than that, I feel pretty good about being home and in my own bed. I will surely miss the life of San Francisco, but I will just keep the idea of visiting there again next year very fresh in my mind.
Time to go take a huge dump.
You understand.
Peace!
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
Wellity…
I am off to California!
What am I? The luckiest kid on the planet? My uncles are flying me out to San Francisco for a week of gay FUN! See, my uncle is gay and his husband/wife is gay too and I love them both! I have never spent any time with them alone since I have come out of my stuffy closet, so this is my chance to show them who I am and to get some familial gay love. I know it’s going to be just great!
I am a bit apprehensive about taking a plane by myself, but I think I am ready. I mean, if God wants me to crash and burn and not continue with my acting dreams…then sobeit. But I am pretty sure that God has big plans for me, so I am just going to get on that flight and deal with it. Non-baby style.
I have yet to pack. I have yet to even THINK about this trip. The whole time, I was like, "Well…someone’s going to Cali. this week, but surely it’s not me." Imagine my surprise when I woke up this morning and was like “OMG! It’s me!”
So tonight I go home and pack. I have already told all of my girls and boyfriend that I will call them as soon as I get there and we’ll make plans for next week. I mean…am I serious? Can I just go on vacation and not think about my normal life?
Hells never.
Halloween is coming and my trip to SF ain’t gone fuck up dat!
Anysnoodle…(What?…Microsoft Word don’t recognize that as a real word? Fuck YOU Microsoft word)
I will DEFINITELY write in my journal while I am on the West Coast. So please, keep coming by and checking in on me. I will know by my sitemeter tally if you care or don’t care.
I will KNOW!
Sorry…too much wine on my lunch break.
Have a GREAT week everyone!
The next time I write in here, I will be hanging out in the Castro district with my fellow gays and shooting the shit with the two coolest homos this side of…well…this side of!
Peace out ya’ll!
I am off to California!
What am I? The luckiest kid on the planet? My uncles are flying me out to San Francisco for a week of gay FUN! See, my uncle is gay and his husband/wife is gay too and I love them both! I have never spent any time with them alone since I have come out of my stuffy closet, so this is my chance to show them who I am and to get some familial gay love. I know it’s going to be just great!
I am a bit apprehensive about taking a plane by myself, but I think I am ready. I mean, if God wants me to crash and burn and not continue with my acting dreams…then sobeit. But I am pretty sure that God has big plans for me, so I am just going to get on that flight and deal with it. Non-baby style.
I have yet to pack. I have yet to even THINK about this trip. The whole time, I was like, "Well…someone’s going to Cali. this week, but surely it’s not me." Imagine my surprise when I woke up this morning and was like “OMG! It’s me!”
So tonight I go home and pack. I have already told all of my girls and boyfriend that I will call them as soon as I get there and we’ll make plans for next week. I mean…am I serious? Can I just go on vacation and not think about my normal life?
Hells never.
Halloween is coming and my trip to SF ain’t gone fuck up dat!
Anysnoodle…(What?…Microsoft Word don’t recognize that as a real word? Fuck YOU Microsoft word)
I will DEFINITELY write in my journal while I am on the West Coast. So please, keep coming by and checking in on me. I will know by my sitemeter tally if you care or don’t care.
I will KNOW!
Sorry…too much wine on my lunch break.
Have a GREAT week everyone!
The next time I write in here, I will be hanging out in the Castro district with my fellow gays and shooting the shit with the two coolest homos this side of…well…this side of!
Peace out ya’ll!
Monday, October 20, 2003
Pretty good, but pretty snorific weekend.
I did see Texas Chainsaw Massacre and loved it. Soooo gruesome and I thought that Jessica Biel was amazing. She cried so many real tears that her performance was utterly inspiring to me. And I must say that every time I heard that chainsaw start up, chills ran up and down my spine. Maybe the best part of the whole experience though, was the fact that the theater was crowded with people. Every time someone got brutally slashed, everyone screamed their heads off. It was hilarious and made the experience that much more worth it.
I also hung out with my friend Hannah on Saturday. She made us homemade chicken wings and we each downed a 6 pack of beer. It was terribly fun, but by the time I got home Saturday, I was exhausted. I decided to avoid alcohol for the rest of the weekend. Probably a good idea. My bowels were very grateful.
I leave on Wednesday to go to San Francisco for the week. I couldn’t be more elated. My job sucks so hardcore that being able to get away is like the most wonderful thing on the planet. I will not miss it in NYC for even a second. When I was walking to the subway this morning, I thought “One more time to do this before I go away on a fantastic trip to a place that’s WARM!” It’s so cold here in the city these days. And I can’t find my winter jacket. Grrrr.
While in SF, my uncles are going to take me to see BEACH BLANKET BABYLON! It is supposed to be the most amazing show ever. It started as a very small theater production over 30 years ago and due to popular demand, it has become a staple as a San Francisco “Must see”. On Friday night my uncles are taking me out to the gay bars. I am most excited about that I think. I want to see what gay people look like in SF. I picture them with really muscular bodies and handlebar mustaches. I am going to jump on one of their Harley’s and take off for a midnight ride. You understand.
They’ve offered to take me wherever I want to go, but I told them that all I really want to do while I am there is drink tons of vodka tonics. They loved that idea. I am SO going to party it up. And eat lots of good food and sleep and rest and ride in a car and not have to wear a jacket outside and go in their hot tub every five minutes and meet their gay friends and play tons of card games and and and and, man, I can’t wait.
Off to get my hair cut for the big trip. Unfortunately, I have so much pomade in my hair today that the stylist is totally going to yell at me the minute I sit in her chair. I am going to tell her to go fuck herself up the twat and then leave. It’s going to be great. I just know it.
Happy Monday!
I did see Texas Chainsaw Massacre and loved it. Soooo gruesome and I thought that Jessica Biel was amazing. She cried so many real tears that her performance was utterly inspiring to me. And I must say that every time I heard that chainsaw start up, chills ran up and down my spine. Maybe the best part of the whole experience though, was the fact that the theater was crowded with people. Every time someone got brutally slashed, everyone screamed their heads off. It was hilarious and made the experience that much more worth it.
I also hung out with my friend Hannah on Saturday. She made us homemade chicken wings and we each downed a 6 pack of beer. It was terribly fun, but by the time I got home Saturday, I was exhausted. I decided to avoid alcohol for the rest of the weekend. Probably a good idea. My bowels were very grateful.
I leave on Wednesday to go to San Francisco for the week. I couldn’t be more elated. My job sucks so hardcore that being able to get away is like the most wonderful thing on the planet. I will not miss it in NYC for even a second. When I was walking to the subway this morning, I thought “One more time to do this before I go away on a fantastic trip to a place that’s WARM!” It’s so cold here in the city these days. And I can’t find my winter jacket. Grrrr.
While in SF, my uncles are going to take me to see BEACH BLANKET BABYLON! It is supposed to be the most amazing show ever. It started as a very small theater production over 30 years ago and due to popular demand, it has become a staple as a San Francisco “Must see”. On Friday night my uncles are taking me out to the gay bars. I am most excited about that I think. I want to see what gay people look like in SF. I picture them with really muscular bodies and handlebar mustaches. I am going to jump on one of their Harley’s and take off for a midnight ride. You understand.
They’ve offered to take me wherever I want to go, but I told them that all I really want to do while I am there is drink tons of vodka tonics. They loved that idea. I am SO going to party it up. And eat lots of good food and sleep and rest and ride in a car and not have to wear a jacket outside and go in their hot tub every five minutes and meet their gay friends and play tons of card games and and and and, man, I can’t wait.
Off to get my hair cut for the big trip. Unfortunately, I have so much pomade in my hair today that the stylist is totally going to yell at me the minute I sit in her chair. I am going to tell her to go fuck herself up the twat and then leave. It’s going to be great. I just know it.
Happy Monday!
Friday, October 17, 2003
Whoa. Drank way too much last night and puked the second I ate my first cheeseburger from McDonald’s. Can’t believe that I actually made it into work today.
Gonna go home and lay my head down before I have to do it all over again tonight.
Heh.
Ouch.
My stomach holds the fire of a thousand vodka tonics.
My bowels hold the weight of everything that is ugly and scary about the world.
Help me help myself.
Gonna go home and lay my head down before I have to do it all over again tonight.
Heh.
Ouch.
My stomach holds the fire of a thousand vodka tonics.
My bowels hold the weight of everything that is ugly and scary about the world.
Help me help myself.
Thursday, October 16, 2003
Today, I was sitting on a park bench, reading my book and smoking a cigarette, when the most horrible thing happened. I took the last few drags from my smoke and then tossed the butt on the ground. Within seconds a pigeon ran over and scooped it up into his beak. A couple of moments later, the pigeon freaked out and spit it out onto the ground. Then, I SWEAR he looked at me in the eye with hatred and flew off. It was bizarre and I felt terrible. And then I laughed and laughed. Yeah, it’s MY fault you ate that butt. My fault. Myyyy fault. Ok enough.
I had pizza for lunch and now my belly bubbles with anger. Yeah, it’s MY fault that my belly is bubbling with anger. MY fault. Ok enough.
Last night I went home and surprised hamster Jim and hamster Kim with some fun new toys for their cage. Since they currently live in an aquarium, I was able to buy a new top with maze-like tubes sticking out of it. Now they can leave the cage and run around the tubes for awhile. It’s great and amusing and they seem to really love it. I also bought them some fun new treats and some new yarn-like bedding. Of course Kimberly has stolen all the new bedding and put it on her side of the cage. Poor Jim sits, frozen, in the corner of the cage, naked. That selfish Kimberly…she’s such a cunt.
I am busy making my Christmas Wish List for my mother. She has been on my ass about getting it to her as quickly as possible. She likes to shop for months before Christmas. I think it takes her mind off of the bad things going on in her life. This time around…my brother not being able to be with us during any of the holidays. When I asked my mom what we were going to do for Christmas this year in order to make it special…she said “Your father and I were thinking about taking you all out to dinner and then to a movie”. Thanks mom…the typical Jewish Christmas.
The ARMY offered my brother a two-week leave package since he is going to be in Baghdad for over a year. Instead of taking the leave time, my brother gave it up to one of the men in his unit. According to my bro, the guy he gave it to just had a baby and was unable to be there for the birth. When this story got back to me, I was so proud of my brother that I literally burst into tears. My mom cried too, but her response was “How could he DO that? Doesn’t he know how badly I miss him? Babies don’t have the recognition of whether they see their father or not?!!?” Ok, maybe she didn’t go that far, but she was puh-retty upset. We are all proud of Winfield, but it totally sucks being on the other end of all of this. We miss him so badly.
Sometimes I sit around and fantasize about the day he will come home. I think about what my face will look like when I see him walk off the plane, or if I will cry or not. Often I picture myself running up to him and tackling him to the ground, pinning his skinny, Iraqi weakened body to the floor. What will we have for dinner the first night he is home? Will he look as different as he must feel? War changes people and I wonder what kind of change will have taken its hold on Winfield. Will he have nightmares? Will he cry alot? Will he still want to get out of the ARMY?
I spend every day living as though I am an only child. I talk to my parents every day; I go about my normal activities. It is only when he calls or I get a letter that I am truly reminded of the fact that one of the people I love most in this world is half way across the planet. Maybe it’s wrong that I don’t carry him in my mind wherever I go. Or maybe it’s justified. Either way, there is no right answer. And either way, I have to get through this whole ordeal somehow.
It sucks that he has missed my birthdays for years, or that he wasn’t able to even get a glimpse at the first show I did in NYC. It is heartbreaking that even when he has completed his time in Baghdad, he will move back to Germany and not to the states. Part of me will always be angry with him for this. Part of me despises the fact that he chose this path. But most of me worries that he won’t come back alive and that I will be stuck living the rest of my life with a memory of my brother at 24 years old. It’s not fair and I am just about so sick of this whole fucking thing that I could fly out to Iraq myself and drag him home by the scruff of his neck.
But until then, I will continue to pray and trust in God’s divine mercy. I will also continue to throw cigarette butts onto the ground and hope that every pigeon in the city will eat them up.
I mean…fuck. I gotta take out my aggression on SOMETHING.
I had pizza for lunch and now my belly bubbles with anger. Yeah, it’s MY fault that my belly is bubbling with anger. MY fault. Ok enough.
Last night I went home and surprised hamster Jim and hamster Kim with some fun new toys for their cage. Since they currently live in an aquarium, I was able to buy a new top with maze-like tubes sticking out of it. Now they can leave the cage and run around the tubes for awhile. It’s great and amusing and they seem to really love it. I also bought them some fun new treats and some new yarn-like bedding. Of course Kimberly has stolen all the new bedding and put it on her side of the cage. Poor Jim sits, frozen, in the corner of the cage, naked. That selfish Kimberly…she’s such a cunt.
I am busy making my Christmas Wish List for my mother. She has been on my ass about getting it to her as quickly as possible. She likes to shop for months before Christmas. I think it takes her mind off of the bad things going on in her life. This time around…my brother not being able to be with us during any of the holidays. When I asked my mom what we were going to do for Christmas this year in order to make it special…she said “Your father and I were thinking about taking you all out to dinner and then to a movie”. Thanks mom…the typical Jewish Christmas.
The ARMY offered my brother a two-week leave package since he is going to be in Baghdad for over a year. Instead of taking the leave time, my brother gave it up to one of the men in his unit. According to my bro, the guy he gave it to just had a baby and was unable to be there for the birth. When this story got back to me, I was so proud of my brother that I literally burst into tears. My mom cried too, but her response was “How could he DO that? Doesn’t he know how badly I miss him? Babies don’t have the recognition of whether they see their father or not?!!?” Ok, maybe she didn’t go that far, but she was puh-retty upset. We are all proud of Winfield, but it totally sucks being on the other end of all of this. We miss him so badly.
Sometimes I sit around and fantasize about the day he will come home. I think about what my face will look like when I see him walk off the plane, or if I will cry or not. Often I picture myself running up to him and tackling him to the ground, pinning his skinny, Iraqi weakened body to the floor. What will we have for dinner the first night he is home? Will he look as different as he must feel? War changes people and I wonder what kind of change will have taken its hold on Winfield. Will he have nightmares? Will he cry alot? Will he still want to get out of the ARMY?
I spend every day living as though I am an only child. I talk to my parents every day; I go about my normal activities. It is only when he calls or I get a letter that I am truly reminded of the fact that one of the people I love most in this world is half way across the planet. Maybe it’s wrong that I don’t carry him in my mind wherever I go. Or maybe it’s justified. Either way, there is no right answer. And either way, I have to get through this whole ordeal somehow.
It sucks that he has missed my birthdays for years, or that he wasn’t able to even get a glimpse at the first show I did in NYC. It is heartbreaking that even when he has completed his time in Baghdad, he will move back to Germany and not to the states. Part of me will always be angry with him for this. Part of me despises the fact that he chose this path. But most of me worries that he won’t come back alive and that I will be stuck living the rest of my life with a memory of my brother at 24 years old. It’s not fair and I am just about so sick of this whole fucking thing that I could fly out to Iraq myself and drag him home by the scruff of his neck.
But until then, I will continue to pray and trust in God’s divine mercy. I will also continue to throw cigarette butts onto the ground and hope that every pigeon in the city will eat them up.
I mean…fuck. I gotta take out my aggression on SOMETHING.
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
Okay…this poem is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO lame as I didn’t have much time to do it. But I hope you all feel a bit special because of it. I just love you all so much.
The Strangers That Became My Friends
There was a time when I was lonely – starved
For friends, for love, for support.
Words were scrambled in my brain,
Fumbling, falling inside the depth of my person.
Then there was Rita, the one who saved my thoughts from destruction.
Her intelligence and creativity guided me through
The process, the chance to formulate my internal struggle.
I met Blogger and began to compose
My new persona, my opportunity to turn my life
Into something more interesting.
Joe CuttheShit was born.
The long, introspective trip began.
Along the way, Joe has been blessed by many,
Those looking to offer support, encouragement, love.
Shocked and in awe of the power of words,
Joe moved forward – deeply touched and affected.
Altered for the better.
The characters he has met along the way -
There is Indigo:
So little and cute and sentimentally sweet,
Calm and collected and truthfully adorned
There was Bonaroo and London and stories
Of the past. Moments that have made him
The stud he is today.
There is Wendy:
The most beautiful creature on the planet,
Delicate, spontaneous, bursting with life,
Filled with sincerity and kindness and moments
Of insanity, moments that change her into a smarter,
More fulfilled human being.
There is Lux:
The girl I never knew, but always knew.
We share so much in common that starting our
First stage of love has been easy, based on trust.
The future is bright and surely holds much for Lux.
There is Julia:
The woman that makes me laugh, makes
Me smile. Makes me happy. Makes me relieved
That I started this journal. If it weren’t for her and Chesa,
I would be dead inside.
There is Drowning Fish:
The most captivating and honest journaler I know.
Her stories move me to laughter and tears. There is
Simplicity to her truth. There is honesty behind her every
Emotion. She is an inspiration.
And then there is Rose:
A Pagan, a daughter of craziness, and one of the
Most powerful people to ever sit at a computer.
She is compelling, bold, and full of challenge. She
Is the one you want on your side. She is the one you want
Next to you in the time of battle.
The pride and love I have for these six people
Cause me to burst with happiness and joy.
They have made me who I am.
They have instilled strength and courage
When it once was lost.
And for all of this,
I am grateful.
The Strangers That Became My Friends
There was a time when I was lonely – starved
For friends, for love, for support.
Words were scrambled in my brain,
Fumbling, falling inside the depth of my person.
Then there was Rita, the one who saved my thoughts from destruction.
Her intelligence and creativity guided me through
The process, the chance to formulate my internal struggle.
I met Blogger and began to compose
My new persona, my opportunity to turn my life
Into something more interesting.
Joe CuttheShit was born.
The long, introspective trip began.
Along the way, Joe has been blessed by many,
Those looking to offer support, encouragement, love.
Shocked and in awe of the power of words,
Joe moved forward – deeply touched and affected.
Altered for the better.
The characters he has met along the way -
There is Indigo:
So little and cute and sentimentally sweet,
Calm and collected and truthfully adorned
There was Bonaroo and London and stories
Of the past. Moments that have made him
The stud he is today.
There is Wendy:
The most beautiful creature on the planet,
Delicate, spontaneous, bursting with life,
Filled with sincerity and kindness and moments
Of insanity, moments that change her into a smarter,
More fulfilled human being.
There is Lux:
The girl I never knew, but always knew.
We share so much in common that starting our
First stage of love has been easy, based on trust.
The future is bright and surely holds much for Lux.
There is Julia:
The woman that makes me laugh, makes
Me smile. Makes me happy. Makes me relieved
That I started this journal. If it weren’t for her and Chesa,
I would be dead inside.
There is Drowning Fish:
The most captivating and honest journaler I know.
Her stories move me to laughter and tears. There is
Simplicity to her truth. There is honesty behind her every
Emotion. She is an inspiration.
And then there is Rose:
A Pagan, a daughter of craziness, and one of the
Most powerful people to ever sit at a computer.
She is compelling, bold, and full of challenge. She
Is the one you want on your side. She is the one you want
Next to you in the time of battle.
The pride and love I have for these six people
Cause me to burst with happiness and joy.
They have made me who I am.
They have instilled strength and courage
When it once was lost.
And for all of this,
I am grateful.
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
Hi.
So I just got back from lunch. I spent my hour reading a book that my dear friend Rita gave me, entitled Running With Scissors. So far so good. At first I was like “This book is base and lame.” But then I got to page 8 and it was much better. I am so impatient sometimes it’s ridiculous.
My name is Joe.
Anyhow…I hung with Paul last night and we had a GREAT evening together. We had a nice dinner and watched the movie Very Bad Things, one of my absolute favorites. We laughed and laughed together all night long and when we went to bed, I pulled a huge practical joke on him.
(I can’t believe I am going to write about this now)
As we were in our spooning position, ready for bed, I decided to rub my asshole on his leg. I was tickling him in the process so he didn’t realize that my butthole was suctioned to his leg. About 5 minutes later, Paul says “I smell poop”.
I reply: “Maybe you farted.”
Paul: “I didn’t fart and it still smells like poop”.
Me: “You did fart. I heard you.”
Paul: “Joe, I did not fart. I should know if I farted.”
I tell him to go to bed and we curl up again and I suction my asshole to his leg again.”
Paul: “Joe, it REALLY smells like poop”.
Me: (unable to contain my laughter anymore) “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”
Paul: “You didn’t.”
Me: “I DID! You poop smelling, motha fucka”.
Paul: “SICK! Joe…you don’t rub assholes on boyfriends”.
Me: “Oh…see I thought that was what boyfriends were SUPPOSED to do.”
Paul: “You are disgusting and now I have to go wash my leg.”
Me: “Snore…go to bed.”
And that’s what he did. He went to bed. I woke up this morning and could smell nothing. So snorseville Paul. There was never poop on your leg.
Or was there…
I have to piss. Annoying.
Let’s play a game…
If you can answer these three questions about my life, I will write a poem about you. You may submit answers via email or via my comments:
Here we go:
1) What is the one thing about men that turns me on the most?
2) My brother is currently living where?
3) The name of my character in the play I just completed is…
(Ari…you are not allowed to play. Rita…neither are you. Kelly…no dice. You three know way too much already, it’s scary. ((of course you know the most Reets))
Alrighty…
Time to go rub my asshole on anyone who will let me.
Peace.
So I just got back from lunch. I spent my hour reading a book that my dear friend Rita gave me, entitled Running With Scissors. So far so good. At first I was like “This book is base and lame.” But then I got to page 8 and it was much better. I am so impatient sometimes it’s ridiculous.
My name is Joe.
Anyhow…I hung with Paul last night and we had a GREAT evening together. We had a nice dinner and watched the movie Very Bad Things, one of my absolute favorites. We laughed and laughed together all night long and when we went to bed, I pulled a huge practical joke on him.
(I can’t believe I am going to write about this now)
As we were in our spooning position, ready for bed, I decided to rub my asshole on his leg. I was tickling him in the process so he didn’t realize that my butthole was suctioned to his leg. About 5 minutes later, Paul says “I smell poop”.
I reply: “Maybe you farted.”
Paul: “I didn’t fart and it still smells like poop”.
Me: “You did fart. I heard you.”
Paul: “Joe, I did not fart. I should know if I farted.”
I tell him to go to bed and we curl up again and I suction my asshole to his leg again.”
Paul: “Joe, it REALLY smells like poop”.
Me: (unable to contain my laughter anymore) “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”
Paul: “You didn’t.”
Me: “I DID! You poop smelling, motha fucka”.
Paul: “SICK! Joe…you don’t rub assholes on boyfriends”.
Me: “Oh…see I thought that was what boyfriends were SUPPOSED to do.”
Paul: “You are disgusting and now I have to go wash my leg.”
Me: “Snore…go to bed.”
And that’s what he did. He went to bed. I woke up this morning and could smell nothing. So snorseville Paul. There was never poop on your leg.
Or was there…
I have to piss. Annoying.
Let’s play a game…
If you can answer these three questions about my life, I will write a poem about you. You may submit answers via email or via my comments:
Here we go:
1) What is the one thing about men that turns me on the most?
2) My brother is currently living where?
3) The name of my character in the play I just completed is…
(Ari…you are not allowed to play. Rita…neither are you. Kelly…no dice. You three know way too much already, it’s scary. ((of course you know the most Reets))
Alrighty…
Time to go rub my asshole on anyone who will let me.
Peace.
Monday, October 13, 2003
The show has officially come to a close.
Yesterday morning when I woke up, I immediately began to feel depressed. It took me hours to drag myself out of bed and once I finally did, I spent most of the day sporadically crying. Not only was I upset that the show was over, I was upset that I wouldn’t be seeing Ian and Sarah (two of the other people in the show) every day. And above all of this, I was most upset that I had to say goodbye to my character, Neechee. It is quite difficult to spend 3 months pretending that you are someone else, knowing that eventually you will have to just stop and never be that person again. At 26 years old, I find it very hard to believe that I will be playing this 17-year old character again in the future. I think I could be getting a bit too old for that.
It was a very emotional evening for all of us. The show was a complete success and the audiences seemed to be really affected by both the play’s content and the performances we gave. All of my friends from college came on Saturday night and for me, that was the best performance I did. The tears flew out of my face easily and I felt completely focused the entire time. Afterwards, they popped open a bottle of champagne for us and then we hit some local Manhattan bars and ended up partying at their hotel for awhile. It was an amazing night. One of the absolute best. As we said goodbye and got into the elevator, I started to cry. I miss my Rita so much that seeing her for such a short time really broke my heart. I wanted her to stay forever.
Now that the show is over, I am pretty excited to have some time to myself. It will be great to get some real rest and relaxation as well as be able to go out with my friends and party it up! For instance, this Thursday, I am going out with 8 fellow gay men for an event that has been dubbed “Gay Sex out in the City”. I only know three of the guys that are going to be there, but I am SO excited to be able to get together with a group of gays for a night out at the bars. YAY! I am SO going to fuck all of them in the ass. Ok, sike. They are so going to fuck me in the ass. Ok, sick.
Anyhoodle, Paul took such good care of me yesterday. I called him around 4pm yesterday very upset and he immediately calmed me down and made me feel better. He was going to bring two friends of his to the show, but I asked him to come alone cuz I really wanted to spend the evening with just him. As we were leaving, a few tears escaped my eyes and Paul put his arm around me (in the middle of Brooklyn!) and walked me to the subway. We got back to his apartment, smoked a bowl, and then he took me out to a wonderful dinner. It was exactly the way I wanted to spend the evening.
Sometimes Paul really does come through for me. Let it not go unnoticed.
Tonight we are planning on going to dinner again and then cuddling and watching TV. I am SO excited to have the night off and to be able to spend it with him. We are going to watch The Simpsons together and just enjoy being in each other’s presence. Just like the olden days. You know, the days when everything was covered in Sepia.
You understand.
Some tidbits about this weekend:
On Friday night, in the middle of a performance, I went backstage to get ready for my next scene. While there I realized that the gun I have to pull at the end of the play wasn’t in it’s appropriate spot. I immediately start to panic and look at Kelly and go: “THE GUN IS MISSING! THE FUCKING GUN IS MISSING!” She was so calm and was like “I will find it. Just focus and don’t worry about it.” In turn, I responded “BUT THE FUCKING GUN! HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID TO NOT CHECK ON IT?! I CAN’T DO THE SHOW WITHOUT KNOWING WHERE THE GUN IS!?!?!?!” I forced myself to shut up and after the next scene, she found it and took my heart out of my throat and put it back into my chest.
Last night, the video camera that we use for the live feed, fell down and crashed right at the end of the performance. Kelly and I didn’t even wince. We just continued with our dialogue. Also, every person who drank a beer during the performance managed to drop it 103 times during the show. It was like performing for a bunch of wasted Frat. guys.
Also on Friday, Megan, the director, was holding on to Kelly’s cell phone during the show and wouldn’t you know it? IT RANG IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR PERFORMANCE. Ironically enough, the caller was a guy that was in the company’s last show. On the message he said: “I think you are in the middle of a performance. I hope you remembered to turn off the ringer.” HAHAHAHAHAHA. No. Kelly did not remember.
The financial investor never showed up. Nor did he call. Bastid.
BUT, the parents of the playwright came and it was such an unforgettable experience meeting them and being in their presence. They fully enjoyed the show and had some powerful things to say to me after it was over. I hugged them a couple of times and felt completely fulfilled.
Things with Ian and I ended on a high note. He and I have plans to hang out at the end of the week or early next week. I am going to miss him very much. Although a bit difficult to work with, he has taught me a great deal about myself. This experience wouldn’t have been the same if he and I didn’t form the bond that we did.
I feel so blessed by all of this. The show went well, everyone I know came out to support me, and I fully believe that all those in attendance were moved by my performance.
Now.
On to bigger and better.
God willing.
Yesterday morning when I woke up, I immediately began to feel depressed. It took me hours to drag myself out of bed and once I finally did, I spent most of the day sporadically crying. Not only was I upset that the show was over, I was upset that I wouldn’t be seeing Ian and Sarah (two of the other people in the show) every day. And above all of this, I was most upset that I had to say goodbye to my character, Neechee. It is quite difficult to spend 3 months pretending that you are someone else, knowing that eventually you will have to just stop and never be that person again. At 26 years old, I find it very hard to believe that I will be playing this 17-year old character again in the future. I think I could be getting a bit too old for that.
It was a very emotional evening for all of us. The show was a complete success and the audiences seemed to be really affected by both the play’s content and the performances we gave. All of my friends from college came on Saturday night and for me, that was the best performance I did. The tears flew out of my face easily and I felt completely focused the entire time. Afterwards, they popped open a bottle of champagne for us and then we hit some local Manhattan bars and ended up partying at their hotel for awhile. It was an amazing night. One of the absolute best. As we said goodbye and got into the elevator, I started to cry. I miss my Rita so much that seeing her for such a short time really broke my heart. I wanted her to stay forever.
Now that the show is over, I am pretty excited to have some time to myself. It will be great to get some real rest and relaxation as well as be able to go out with my friends and party it up! For instance, this Thursday, I am going out with 8 fellow gay men for an event that has been dubbed “Gay Sex out in the City”. I only know three of the guys that are going to be there, but I am SO excited to be able to get together with a group of gays for a night out at the bars. YAY! I am SO going to fuck all of them in the ass. Ok, sike. They are so going to fuck me in the ass. Ok, sick.
Anyhoodle, Paul took such good care of me yesterday. I called him around 4pm yesterday very upset and he immediately calmed me down and made me feel better. He was going to bring two friends of his to the show, but I asked him to come alone cuz I really wanted to spend the evening with just him. As we were leaving, a few tears escaped my eyes and Paul put his arm around me (in the middle of Brooklyn!) and walked me to the subway. We got back to his apartment, smoked a bowl, and then he took me out to a wonderful dinner. It was exactly the way I wanted to spend the evening.
Sometimes Paul really does come through for me. Let it not go unnoticed.
Tonight we are planning on going to dinner again and then cuddling and watching TV. I am SO excited to have the night off and to be able to spend it with him. We are going to watch The Simpsons together and just enjoy being in each other’s presence. Just like the olden days. You know, the days when everything was covered in Sepia.
You understand.
Some tidbits about this weekend:
On Friday night, in the middle of a performance, I went backstage to get ready for my next scene. While there I realized that the gun I have to pull at the end of the play wasn’t in it’s appropriate spot. I immediately start to panic and look at Kelly and go: “THE GUN IS MISSING! THE FUCKING GUN IS MISSING!” She was so calm and was like “I will find it. Just focus and don’t worry about it.” In turn, I responded “BUT THE FUCKING GUN! HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID TO NOT CHECK ON IT?! I CAN’T DO THE SHOW WITHOUT KNOWING WHERE THE GUN IS!?!?!?!” I forced myself to shut up and after the next scene, she found it and took my heart out of my throat and put it back into my chest.
Last night, the video camera that we use for the live feed, fell down and crashed right at the end of the performance. Kelly and I didn’t even wince. We just continued with our dialogue. Also, every person who drank a beer during the performance managed to drop it 103 times during the show. It was like performing for a bunch of wasted Frat. guys.
Also on Friday, Megan, the director, was holding on to Kelly’s cell phone during the show and wouldn’t you know it? IT RANG IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR PERFORMANCE. Ironically enough, the caller was a guy that was in the company’s last show. On the message he said: “I think you are in the middle of a performance. I hope you remembered to turn off the ringer.” HAHAHAHAHAHA. No. Kelly did not remember.
The financial investor never showed up. Nor did he call. Bastid.
BUT, the parents of the playwright came and it was such an unforgettable experience meeting them and being in their presence. They fully enjoyed the show and had some powerful things to say to me after it was over. I hugged them a couple of times and felt completely fulfilled.
Things with Ian and I ended on a high note. He and I have plans to hang out at the end of the week or early next week. I am going to miss him very much. Although a bit difficult to work with, he has taught me a great deal about myself. This experience wouldn’t have been the same if he and I didn’t form the bond that we did.
I feel so blessed by all of this. The show went well, everyone I know came out to support me, and I fully believe that all those in attendance were moved by my performance.
Now.
On to bigger and better.
God willing.
Friday, October 10, 2003
YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
The show went incredibly well last night. We had a full audience, we were able to ride through any random mistakes and there were tears shed by numerous people at the end of the performance. I could not have asked for a more wonderful start to a long run. God is so good to me. He truly does reward hard work. My only hope is that he will stand by me throughout the rest of the performances. I am sure he will. :)
So. The one thing that did not make me happy was the way Ian acted before and after the show. He barely spoke a word to anyone in the cast and as he did last Saturday, left immediately after the performance. He didn't even stay around to tell me that it was a good show. I don't understand what is wrong with him, but it hurts. I have spent so much time trying to get to know him and to support him, yet he has completely pulled away from me. It's like he wants nothing to do with me anymore. Maybe he has some shit going on in his personal life or maybe this is how he deals with a show ending and I can accept any or all of that. I just wish he would clue me in to what's going on in his head.
Part of me thinks he is unhappy with the way my performance is being received by the audiences. I get a lot of support from the people who attend and I think he may feel a little left out. But truthfully, most of the people that have come to see the show are people I know and got tickets for. If he had spent more time getting people in the seats, maybe he wouldn't feel so overlooked at the end. I work really hard to give the performance I give and part of me thinks that his jealousy is getting in the way of us being friends. Maybe I'm completely off base? I hope so. Cuz if this is how he feels, I don't know that we will ever be able to talk again once this experience has come to a close.
It's just a sad, sad thing.
As for the other shit going on in my life?
My hamsters, Jim and Kimberly, are becoming so scarily attached to me. When I get home at night and turn on my bedroom light, they immediately come running from their beds and try to climb out of the cage. I take the top off and they (Jim especially) crawls right into my hand and runs up to my neck to snuggle in. They are totally in love with me now and it makes me want to have them as my babies forever. They are so fucking adorable I can't stand it.
Things with Paul and I are going smoothly although I'm still not convinced we are going to be able to work through our many issues. Some things just never change. Some days I love him and some days I hate him. It's not healthy, but it's the way things are. And the way things are going to stay for awhile longer. I'm just not ready to say goodbye to him yet. I don't know if I will ever be ready.
My mom came to the show again last night. She is so adorable and supportive. I miss her so much. She is my favorite person in the world and I am so blessed to have someone like her as my mother. She is coming AGAIN on Saturday with my dad and some other people we know from way back. Gosh, my parents. A kid couldn't be any luckier than me.
Okay! The next time I write in here, I will be done with Stupid Kids.
I can't believe it's almost over. How depressing.
Now what am I going to do with myself?
The show went incredibly well last night. We had a full audience, we were able to ride through any random mistakes and there were tears shed by numerous people at the end of the performance. I could not have asked for a more wonderful start to a long run. God is so good to me. He truly does reward hard work. My only hope is that he will stand by me throughout the rest of the performances. I am sure he will. :)
So. The one thing that did not make me happy was the way Ian acted before and after the show. He barely spoke a word to anyone in the cast and as he did last Saturday, left immediately after the performance. He didn't even stay around to tell me that it was a good show. I don't understand what is wrong with him, but it hurts. I have spent so much time trying to get to know him and to support him, yet he has completely pulled away from me. It's like he wants nothing to do with me anymore. Maybe he has some shit going on in his personal life or maybe this is how he deals with a show ending and I can accept any or all of that. I just wish he would clue me in to what's going on in his head.
Part of me thinks he is unhappy with the way my performance is being received by the audiences. I get a lot of support from the people who attend and I think he may feel a little left out. But truthfully, most of the people that have come to see the show are people I know and got tickets for. If he had spent more time getting people in the seats, maybe he wouldn't feel so overlooked at the end. I work really hard to give the performance I give and part of me thinks that his jealousy is getting in the way of us being friends. Maybe I'm completely off base? I hope so. Cuz if this is how he feels, I don't know that we will ever be able to talk again once this experience has come to a close.
It's just a sad, sad thing.
As for the other shit going on in my life?
My hamsters, Jim and Kimberly, are becoming so scarily attached to me. When I get home at night and turn on my bedroom light, they immediately come running from their beds and try to climb out of the cage. I take the top off and they (Jim especially) crawls right into my hand and runs up to my neck to snuggle in. They are totally in love with me now and it makes me want to have them as my babies forever. They are so fucking adorable I can't stand it.
Things with Paul and I are going smoothly although I'm still not convinced we are going to be able to work through our many issues. Some things just never change. Some days I love him and some days I hate him. It's not healthy, but it's the way things are. And the way things are going to stay for awhile longer. I'm just not ready to say goodbye to him yet. I don't know if I will ever be ready.
My mom came to the show again last night. She is so adorable and supportive. I miss her so much. She is my favorite person in the world and I am so blessed to have someone like her as my mother. She is coming AGAIN on Saturday with my dad and some other people we know from way back. Gosh, my parents. A kid couldn't be any luckier than me.
Okay! The next time I write in here, I will be done with Stupid Kids.
I can't believe it's almost over. How depressing.
Now what am I going to do with myself?
Thursday, October 09, 2003
Another Openin’, Another Show. Another Openin’, Another Show…
YAY!
It’s that time again. Time to go put a gun in my mouth and bring everyone to tears…hopefully. Oh, does that sound weird to you? Well, to most people it would. But to me…every time we do a show, I know going into it that I need to attempt suicide at the end of every performance and bring myself to hysterical tears. It takes a lot out of me, if you can imagine.
When we first started rehearsing, I would put the gun in my mouth and scream my way through the entire scene. Since then, I have been working extremely hard on taking each moment as it comes. Some nights, all I do is scream and yell, and some nights, I become a blubbering mess on stage. But on all nights, I sort of wish that I was playing a different character. A character that gets to stand by and watch the events transpire instead of having to be the one that forces them to…well…transpire. It’s a lot of pressure to put a gun in your mouth on stage. If it comes off looking fake or hokey, the whole thing is for shit and people leave thinking that the play was good…except for the guy at the end that was fake shooting himself with a gun.
You understand.
What I do now to prepare is put the whole thing out of my mind. According to my character, Neechee, there is no need for a gun-to-mouth experience. Neechee, although a bit filled with lunacy, is still a focused and together guy. But when Jim, my love interest, shits on me one too many times, that’s it. I lose it.
So, I spend the whole play pining and pining for his acceptance…his love. He uses me and abuses me and by the end, if I believe in everything that has occurred between us during the show, I am ready to either blow his head off…or blow off my own. It’s a beautiful thing really. And lucky for me, the audiences last weekend fully believed me. Let’s hope for the same during this 4-day run.
The only real downfall to playing a character such as Neechee is that at the end of the show, all I want to do is crawl inside a box and cry my eyes out. I have to get myself so worked up in order to go psycho at the end and just because the lights have gone down and the curtain call is coming, it doesn’t mean that I can just turn off the sadness and anger that is coursing through my veins. What usually happens is that I finish the last scene, go to my spot for the bows, cry a bit more, chug a beer, and slap a shit-eating grin on my face. Once the lights have gone down completely, I go into a corner, change into my normal clothes, cry the rest of the tears out, if need be, and force myself to go shmooze with the people I know in the audience.
It’s a very bizarre experience and hard for people who aren’t actors to understand what it’s like. Most of the times, non-actors tell me how lucky I am to have an outlet for my underlying emotions. “If I were an actor that had to cry on stage, I would love it, cuz I would be able to get out all of the emotions that plague me during the day.” But it’s not like that. It’s more like…bringing up all of the stuff that hurts you and then once you are finally releasing all of the pent up emotion, you have to turn it off immediately and move on. It’s not at all a healing process. But if it works and the audience cries with me, then it is surely a fulfilling experience.
So, as I prepare to take the stage again tonight, these are the thoughts that run crazy-like through my head. I want to give an honest performance. I want people to listen to me and to follow my character. And most importantly, I want people to identify with Neechee and truly feel it when he is happy or when he is sad. Thus affecting the audience member in a powerful and moving way.
I am so blessed to be able to play a part that has such range. It gives me a chance to really showcase my talent and to teach people something about homosexuality that they may not have previously thought about in the past.
Thank you God for this opportunity.
YAY!
It’s that time again. Time to go put a gun in my mouth and bring everyone to tears…hopefully. Oh, does that sound weird to you? Well, to most people it would. But to me…every time we do a show, I know going into it that I need to attempt suicide at the end of every performance and bring myself to hysterical tears. It takes a lot out of me, if you can imagine.
When we first started rehearsing, I would put the gun in my mouth and scream my way through the entire scene. Since then, I have been working extremely hard on taking each moment as it comes. Some nights, all I do is scream and yell, and some nights, I become a blubbering mess on stage. But on all nights, I sort of wish that I was playing a different character. A character that gets to stand by and watch the events transpire instead of having to be the one that forces them to…well…transpire. It’s a lot of pressure to put a gun in your mouth on stage. If it comes off looking fake or hokey, the whole thing is for shit and people leave thinking that the play was good…except for the guy at the end that was fake shooting himself with a gun.
You understand.
What I do now to prepare is put the whole thing out of my mind. According to my character, Neechee, there is no need for a gun-to-mouth experience. Neechee, although a bit filled with lunacy, is still a focused and together guy. But when Jim, my love interest, shits on me one too many times, that’s it. I lose it.
So, I spend the whole play pining and pining for his acceptance…his love. He uses me and abuses me and by the end, if I believe in everything that has occurred between us during the show, I am ready to either blow his head off…or blow off my own. It’s a beautiful thing really. And lucky for me, the audiences last weekend fully believed me. Let’s hope for the same during this 4-day run.
The only real downfall to playing a character such as Neechee is that at the end of the show, all I want to do is crawl inside a box and cry my eyes out. I have to get myself so worked up in order to go psycho at the end and just because the lights have gone down and the curtain call is coming, it doesn’t mean that I can just turn off the sadness and anger that is coursing through my veins. What usually happens is that I finish the last scene, go to my spot for the bows, cry a bit more, chug a beer, and slap a shit-eating grin on my face. Once the lights have gone down completely, I go into a corner, change into my normal clothes, cry the rest of the tears out, if need be, and force myself to go shmooze with the people I know in the audience.
It’s a very bizarre experience and hard for people who aren’t actors to understand what it’s like. Most of the times, non-actors tell me how lucky I am to have an outlet for my underlying emotions. “If I were an actor that had to cry on stage, I would love it, cuz I would be able to get out all of the emotions that plague me during the day.” But it’s not like that. It’s more like…bringing up all of the stuff that hurts you and then once you are finally releasing all of the pent up emotion, you have to turn it off immediately and move on. It’s not at all a healing process. But if it works and the audience cries with me, then it is surely a fulfilling experience.
So, as I prepare to take the stage again tonight, these are the thoughts that run crazy-like through my head. I want to give an honest performance. I want people to listen to me and to follow my character. And most importantly, I want people to identify with Neechee and truly feel it when he is happy or when he is sad. Thus affecting the audience member in a powerful and moving way.
I am so blessed to be able to play a part that has such range. It gives me a chance to really showcase my talent and to teach people something about homosexuality that they may not have previously thought about in the past.
Thank you God for this opportunity.
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
3 more days until I see my ladies from college!
They are hastily making plans to come down to see Kelly’s and my show this weekend. I talked to Rita for awhile today and her excitement got me all nervous and pumped! Not only is she coming with my friends from school, but also with her sister Jeannie, who I haven’t seen in almost a year! What a thrill this weekend is going to be.
The thing is…
Part of me is really depressed about the show coming to a head this weekend. Saturday’s performance will be quite the thrill, but then Sunday comes and the show is over. I forgot how upsetting it is to finish up a show and say goodbye to everyone involved. Remember when I was in love with Ian for like 10 minutes? Well, after Sunday, I pretty much doubt we will stay in touch. I mean, things are going very well between us and we have gotten much closer as the show has progressed. But Ian and I have different lives and I am sure our connection will die with the closing of the show. That’s ok. I would prefer that we stayed in touch, but I’m bad with that and I know he will be too.
I have decided to direct a show with this company as soon as Stupid Kids comes to a close. I haven’t picked the play that I want to direct yet, but I will need to do that soon. I have one week off after the show and then I leave to go to California for a week…so time is of the utmost! As soon as I return from Cali., I am going to have to begin rehearsals immediately. We will only have 6 weeks to put the next show together and while the task seems pretty daunting…I am ready for the challenge.
FUN.
So, despite what certain people have to say about my starting my career at the age of 26, I am pretty stoked to have two different commercial agents in the audience this coming Saturday night. Cuz I mean…what if? What if they see me and are like “We want to represent you and take you away from your miserable existence as an Admin. Assistant!” What a dream come true that would be. Most likely, they will come see the show, gush to me about what a wonderful job I did, and then high tail it out of there as though they have never met me in their life. Either way, it’s fine. The only person I trust to guide my career is God. All of this is in his hands, really. I made the decision to dedicate my life to this dream based on his guidance and it will only be through him that I succeed. I will keep my eyes pointed upwards and my patience level intact.
Until then…can I fax something for you?
I am wiped out today. I am definitely going to have to take a quick nap during my lunch break if I ever plan on getting through my touch-up rehearsal tonight. I feel like the walking dead. My brain is all mushy…like rotted potatoes. Or squash. Or pudding. Or swing sets.
You understand.
Here are a few artists that I love these days:
TLC
Nine Inch Nails
The New American Standard
Kelly Rowlands
OutKast
Beyonce
Dave Matthews Band (Welcome back brother man…you’re new disc is JOOD! Finally!)
Christina Aguillera (Two L’s…one for each labia)
Here are a few artists that I am embarrassed to love these days:
Hillary Duff
Simple Plan
Lillix
Here are a few artists that I can’t stand(!) these days:
Ashanti
Sean Paul (Just gimme the lie din don dih bo oh oh.)
Sugar Ray
Avril LaSnores
Here are a few artists that I want to shit on these days:
Britney Spears
Madonna
Pink
Kid Rock
Sheryl Crow
Well…that’s about it for today.
ENJOY YOUR WEDNESDAY CUZ TOMORROW IS THURSDAY!
YIPEE KAY YAI YAY MOTHA FUCKA!
They are hastily making plans to come down to see Kelly’s and my show this weekend. I talked to Rita for awhile today and her excitement got me all nervous and pumped! Not only is she coming with my friends from school, but also with her sister Jeannie, who I haven’t seen in almost a year! What a thrill this weekend is going to be.
The thing is…
Part of me is really depressed about the show coming to a head this weekend. Saturday’s performance will be quite the thrill, but then Sunday comes and the show is over. I forgot how upsetting it is to finish up a show and say goodbye to everyone involved. Remember when I was in love with Ian for like 10 minutes? Well, after Sunday, I pretty much doubt we will stay in touch. I mean, things are going very well between us and we have gotten much closer as the show has progressed. But Ian and I have different lives and I am sure our connection will die with the closing of the show. That’s ok. I would prefer that we stayed in touch, but I’m bad with that and I know he will be too.
I have decided to direct a show with this company as soon as Stupid Kids comes to a close. I haven’t picked the play that I want to direct yet, but I will need to do that soon. I have one week off after the show and then I leave to go to California for a week…so time is of the utmost! As soon as I return from Cali., I am going to have to begin rehearsals immediately. We will only have 6 weeks to put the next show together and while the task seems pretty daunting…I am ready for the challenge.
FUN.
So, despite what certain people have to say about my starting my career at the age of 26, I am pretty stoked to have two different commercial agents in the audience this coming Saturday night. Cuz I mean…what if? What if they see me and are like “We want to represent you and take you away from your miserable existence as an Admin. Assistant!” What a dream come true that would be. Most likely, they will come see the show, gush to me about what a wonderful job I did, and then high tail it out of there as though they have never met me in their life. Either way, it’s fine. The only person I trust to guide my career is God. All of this is in his hands, really. I made the decision to dedicate my life to this dream based on his guidance and it will only be through him that I succeed. I will keep my eyes pointed upwards and my patience level intact.
Until then…can I fax something for you?
I am wiped out today. I am definitely going to have to take a quick nap during my lunch break if I ever plan on getting through my touch-up rehearsal tonight. I feel like the walking dead. My brain is all mushy…like rotted potatoes. Or squash. Or pudding. Or swing sets.
You understand.
Here are a few artists that I love these days:
TLC
Nine Inch Nails
The New American Standard
Kelly Rowlands
OutKast
Beyonce
Dave Matthews Band (Welcome back brother man…you’re new disc is JOOD! Finally!)
Christina Aguillera (Two L’s…one for each labia)
Here are a few artists that I am embarrassed to love these days:
Hillary Duff
Simple Plan
Lillix
Here are a few artists that I can’t stand(!) these days:
Ashanti
Sean Paul (Just gimme the lie din don dih bo oh oh.)
Sugar Ray
Avril LaSnores
Here are a few artists that I want to shit on these days:
Britney Spears
Madonna
Pink
Kid Rock
Sheryl Crow
Well…that’s about it for today.
ENJOY YOUR WEDNESDAY CUZ TOMORROW IS THURSDAY!
YIPEE KAY YAI YAY MOTHA FUCKA!
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
HO YEAH!
The opening weekend of the show is over and I have to say that it could not have turned out any better. All of the months of rehearsing and stressing has truly paid off. The show was received wonderfully and I think that everyone who attended walked away touched by both the content of the play and the performances given by the actors.
Ari was in the audience on Friday night, along with two of her fellow blogging friends. Everyone was so supportive after the show and it made me feel so good to know that I had them there for me. On Saturday night my parents came and my boss from work and a bunch of other people from my life and it was a slamming good show as well.
I was walking on clouds until I woke up this morning and realized that I had to come back to my daily 9am-5pm hum drum of a life.
The friend of the playwright, David, came on Friday and he had some wonderful things to say to me. He told me that John Russell, the playwright, wrote my character based on his own perspective on life and that he would have been beaming with pride to see the work that I had done. He said that my performance was powerful and emotional and honest. He said that I made him cry. When he was talking to me about the similarities between my character and John’s life, I began to cry as well and we ended up having a very meaningful hug after all was said and done.
At the end of our conversation, David asked me if I had any representation. I explained to him that I sent out over 50 headshots and resumes, but that I never heard back from a single agent. He told me that after the show he wants to sit down and have dinner with me so that he can help me out in whatever way he can. The smile on my face was huge and I told him that I would contact him as soon as our run was complete.
This weekend was one of the best theater experiences I have ever had in my life. Both shows were successful and the audience raved about the final product. When I saw my parents after the show on Saturday, my mom was in hysterical tears. She said: “I had no idea that the show was going to be as moving as it was. Your character ripped my heart out at the end and I still feel as though I can’t get myself under control.” Both she and my dad went on and on about the performance and as I put them in the car and sent them home, they both hugged me and told me how proud they are of me. It was a beautiful moment that I won’t forget for the rest of life.
I feel elated with how well everything went. The audiences really seemed to enjoy the production and more importantly, I think they felt affected by the body of work. I can’t imagine anything that could have gone any better.
I am a real life actor again and it feels SO good!
Now I have one more night off before I have to jump into 5 more days of complete craziness. Tomorrow is a brush up rehearsal and then we have 4 evenings of performances in a row. My best friends from school are coming on Saturday, including the love of my life, Miss Rita! They are all staying in the city after the show, so I will be able to hug them and love them all night long.
Last weekend was a great opening and preparation for what is coming up. I have to make sure to get as much rest and relaxation in now as I can. I don’t think there will be any of that before next Monday hits.
I wish I could make a career out of acting. It’s all I have ever wanted.
Some day.
Some day soon.
The opening weekend of the show is over and I have to say that it could not have turned out any better. All of the months of rehearsing and stressing has truly paid off. The show was received wonderfully and I think that everyone who attended walked away touched by both the content of the play and the performances given by the actors.
Ari was in the audience on Friday night, along with two of her fellow blogging friends. Everyone was so supportive after the show and it made me feel so good to know that I had them there for me. On Saturday night my parents came and my boss from work and a bunch of other people from my life and it was a slamming good show as well.
I was walking on clouds until I woke up this morning and realized that I had to come back to my daily 9am-5pm hum drum of a life.
The friend of the playwright, David, came on Friday and he had some wonderful things to say to me. He told me that John Russell, the playwright, wrote my character based on his own perspective on life and that he would have been beaming with pride to see the work that I had done. He said that my performance was powerful and emotional and honest. He said that I made him cry. When he was talking to me about the similarities between my character and John’s life, I began to cry as well and we ended up having a very meaningful hug after all was said and done.
At the end of our conversation, David asked me if I had any representation. I explained to him that I sent out over 50 headshots and resumes, but that I never heard back from a single agent. He told me that after the show he wants to sit down and have dinner with me so that he can help me out in whatever way he can. The smile on my face was huge and I told him that I would contact him as soon as our run was complete.
This weekend was one of the best theater experiences I have ever had in my life. Both shows were successful and the audience raved about the final product. When I saw my parents after the show on Saturday, my mom was in hysterical tears. She said: “I had no idea that the show was going to be as moving as it was. Your character ripped my heart out at the end and I still feel as though I can’t get myself under control.” Both she and my dad went on and on about the performance and as I put them in the car and sent them home, they both hugged me and told me how proud they are of me. It was a beautiful moment that I won’t forget for the rest of life.
I feel elated with how well everything went. The audiences really seemed to enjoy the production and more importantly, I think they felt affected by the body of work. I can’t imagine anything that could have gone any better.
I am a real life actor again and it feels SO good!
Now I have one more night off before I have to jump into 5 more days of complete craziness. Tomorrow is a brush up rehearsal and then we have 4 evenings of performances in a row. My best friends from school are coming on Saturday, including the love of my life, Miss Rita! They are all staying in the city after the show, so I will be able to hug them and love them all night long.
Last weekend was a great opening and preparation for what is coming up. I have to make sure to get as much rest and relaxation in now as I can. I don’t think there will be any of that before next Monday hits.
I wish I could make a career out of acting. It’s all I have ever wanted.
Some day.
Some day soon.
Friday, October 03, 2003
Well!
Tonight is the night.
After months of preparation, it all comes down to this evening. It is the opening night of Stupid Kids and I couldn’t be more pumped about it.
Last night’s preview went very well. We received a wonderful response from the people who were there and even a few tears were shed. It was excellent. As a crazy actor, I still believe that there is more that I can do with my performance and my focus during the run can be a bit better. I have to remember to use the dialogue to my advantage and to try my hardest to stay in the moment. Live on impulse!
Ari is coming to the show tonight as well as some great friends of mine from college and high school. I am performing solely for them. Well, and also for the dead playwright’s best friend and ex-therapist who are coming as well! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I so hope they like the show.
Thank you to all of you for your undying love and support. I feel so blessed to have this online community in my life. You all make me feel so confident and secure in my ability. And a special thank you to Amaryllis, who sent me the most beautiful virtual bouquet I have ever seen. What an incredibly sweet thing to do.
BREAK A LEG --- GOOD SHOW --- FUCK YEAH!
The time is now.
And I am ready.
Tonight is the night.
After months of preparation, it all comes down to this evening. It is the opening night of Stupid Kids and I couldn’t be more pumped about it.
Last night’s preview went very well. We received a wonderful response from the people who were there and even a few tears were shed. It was excellent. As a crazy actor, I still believe that there is more that I can do with my performance and my focus during the run can be a bit better. I have to remember to use the dialogue to my advantage and to try my hardest to stay in the moment. Live on impulse!
Ari is coming to the show tonight as well as some great friends of mine from college and high school. I am performing solely for them. Well, and also for the dead playwright’s best friend and ex-therapist who are coming as well! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I so hope they like the show.
Thank you to all of you for your undying love and support. I feel so blessed to have this online community in my life. You all make me feel so confident and secure in my ability. And a special thank you to Amaryllis, who sent me the most beautiful virtual bouquet I have ever seen. What an incredibly sweet thing to do.
BREAK A LEG --- GOOD SHOW --- FUCK YEAH!
The time is now.
And I am ready.
Thursday, October 02, 2003
HORK!
OMG!
Tonight is the preview of our show! We have 5-10 people coming to check it out and give us their thoughts. AY YI YI!
Tomorrow is opening night and I am terrified, excited, and totally ready for it.
BRING IT ON BABY! BRING IT ON!
This journal will return back to normal after this weekend. I promise. Right now, I have no time.
I LOVE YOU ALL!
OMG!
Tonight is the preview of our show! We have 5-10 people coming to check it out and give us their thoughts. AY YI YI!
Tomorrow is opening night and I am terrified, excited, and totally ready for it.
BRING IT ON BABY! BRING IT ON!
This journal will return back to normal after this weekend. I promise. Right now, I have no time.
I LOVE YOU ALL!
